Consoling Asma After Her rs.20 load

My Dear Asma,

Assalamalikum.

My deepest sympathies for your tragic illness. May God helps in your speedy recovery, and may others replace your hospital bed and die starving for easy load.

Now that I’ve sent you what you needed, let me console you with an explanation why others won’t bother giving a damn to your innocent plea.

First, it’s 2014.People literally dont give an F to respond to unsolicited SMS anymore. You appear to face a stiff competition from Ghar Ghar Benezir messagea, Mobilink’s sAb Keh Do messages, Warid’s FREE FREE 0.3+t FEE messages, and others. You don’t even seem to promise ‘Sachi Yaari’ for bachi-hungry guys who did move a little from the words ‘Kar dun ge’ at the end of your message.

Secondly, people literally can’t understand what on earth gave you  phone numbers for the mass message. They suspect that you’re a crook of a bloody easy-load shop, or a guy in disguise of girl.

Third, you fail to supply enough information about your illness, neither do you mention the security for the credit. You should’ve at least mentioned that AIDS would send you to eternal abode in a few days, and that each rs.20 load would sow 20 million seeds in heaven.

Finally, 20 rupees is a big amount for a stranger, you see.  Depending on one’s needs, twenty rupees can give you an eternal bliss of a regular Pepsi, or a cup full of Doodh Patti, or 4 Gold Leafs, or 1 kg carrots, or 2 Nescafe sachets, or 2 Jet Spots.

My dear Asma, it is my humble request to pardon those poor souls who couldn’t understand the agony of your miserable life. I am sure each of them would buy 20rs of petals to shower at your grave.

Your Ch Donor

Asim

Cursing Life Down The Road

I had cleared the job test and was up for the final interview at the bus stop. My attire consisted of a fairly whitened shirt, and a blue trouser my uncle had gifted after he was convinced that its patches were too obvious to hide. I had also managed to secure an oversized tie from my friend, triple knotted it, and built a false imagination that it matched the color of my black shoes.

Fearing that travelling in the bus would be a risky affair for such an expensive get up, I decided to fetch a rickshaw that promised a safer and quicker ride at a few extra bucks. I was so engraved in the thoughts about the job that I failed to sense any trouble standing next to a pavement surrounding a whole mess of sewage water.

I noticed a slowly approaching qingqi and prepared to signal it with excitement. But your car overtook it, speed passing it behind and splashing the sewage filth all over my body. And it was there my heart pounded this curse for you….

‘I pray that a truck meets you with a greater speed at the next intersection; and may you find not even a fractional second to pull your brakes. May the car overturns an umpteenth time before it throws you out in pieces, with your head open, your brain splashed on road, and your clothes bloodstained and torn into an infinite, irreparable patches. May flies dance all over your cut out intestines, and may dogs arrive on the scene quicker than the ambulance. ‘

‘The core of my heart also wishes that your materialistic wife marries a richer bastard, and your bragging kids receive all forms of molestation. May your brother promotes to the next level of corruption and rips off all what you’ve left behind.’

I was just about to end the painful spell when I saw the car reversing. Proactive this time, I had already got a stone clutched to break the moron’s head. But the sight of driver stunned me. It was the HR manager accompanying the key figure who was supposed to take my final interview.

I quickly put my stone-filled fist into one of the trouser’s pockets, expecting an apology and an impromptu interview…

 

P.S. The burned out character of this story presumably got the job, but he lost it in a more surprising fashion. See what happened next in my blog ‘Losing Your Job’.

Hope you’d like it.

 

Qissa Ahl-e-Aflaas

 

Ye Qissa Ahl-e-Aflaas Ka Hai

Tangdasti, Bhook Aur Piyaas Ka Hai

Kuch Dard Ke Maare Hain Ye Loug

Kuch Kiya Ye Ahl-e-Khaas Ka Hai

Musibatoon Ka Ye Katthun Safr

Umeed Ka Hai, Aur Aas Ka Hai

Kuch Darte Firaun Se Hain Ye Loug

Kuch Dars Moosa Ke Paas Ka Hai

Ye Qissa Ahl-e-Aflaas Ka Hai

Tangdasti, Bhook Aur Piyaas Ka Hai…..

Revolution in Pakistan Part 2

In my last post, the quick test responses indicate that there is little, if any, chance of revolution in Pakistan. However, I can still envision a better Pakistan ruling out any possibility of a repeated history of revolution in Pakistan.

For the first time in our democratic history, the government is finishing off its complete, uninterrupted term. Khakis appear to have realized that their role must only be that of loyal, paid, and armed security personnel. Moreover, they have given several blows to our feudal lords since most of them happen to be villagers themselves – eradicating the feudal mindset, opening up schools, and embracing modernization. The government also seems to eradicate Taliban sanctuaries by regulating and registering Madiris of Pakistan.

Matters have also improved on our media landscape, the primary driver of informing people of their social problems. Tens of TV channel devote large airtimes exposing corruption of the ruling elite. The recent CCTV exposure of mistreatment of a bakery man on orders of Punjab Sharif’s daughter is an example of how media keeps its check on the ill doings of the elite.

Another hope for Pakistan is the rise of apparently clean political parties such as PTI. While it still lacks the street machinery with which dirty politics of Pakistan is played, we can anticipate that the oppressed masses will fuel the cause of saving Pakistan from its long held vices. Surely, PTI lacks the conventional voting machinery like street politics, hooliganism, and feudalism; but we can still presume (or hope) that a sizable majority of new voters will endorse a leader that has, to date, did little damage to our country. If the hope happens to be true, we can surely anticipate a revolution in Pakistan – for better or for worse.

                                                                                                                                                              

Revolution in Pakistan Part 1

When we say that our society is being plagued with all sorts of institutional, personal and economic evils, we essentially look forward to a revolution. Revolution, unlike evolution, is an abrupt change in a political or social order. Its basis lies in the class struggle – intended as a sudden hit to social-economic imbalance prevalent in the masses of a society, although it can be argued that revolution only results in a mere change of power.

To some, Dhaka fall was a revolution. To others, it was just the result of the gross social injustice Bengalis were subject of since the inception of Pakistan. In this sense, revolution is the point where an evolving and impeding social issue is put to a halt – only to make room for a different set of class and status quo issues.

We also get a feel of revolution every time a military dictator overthrows an elected government. We can call military takeovers as revolution as they have a lasting impact on our society following a sudden overturn of a government. Our social milieu still reflects the many impressions of Zia Islamism and Musharraf’s Enlightened Moderation. Little social or economic impact can be traced to the periods in which elected ministers ruled our country.

Our masses don’t agree on what social problem plagues and pains them the most. The country got a doze of socialism in Bhutto’s era, a doze of Islamism in Zia’s era, a doze of secularism in Musharraf’s era. I call these dozes because these times only caused more societal imbalances than balances. Ethnic and sectarian gaps kept widening despite all efforts to protect minority groups. The invention of PML (N), MQM, and ANP etc exemplify the establishment’s effort to curb unregulated revolutions.

Having highlighted the typical revolutionary actors and circumstances, the question arises whether or not Pakistan is ready for a revolution.  Here is a quick test:

Is there a social problem that hit masses of our society?

Well it depends what you call a social problem. For one, deeply rooted corruption is a social problem, but it is not the first time financial corruption happened to be an impeding problem. Development economists and I would say feudalism is the most pressing social issue, but eradicating feudalism has been a thankless task despite numerous land reforms. Happy meal, intellectually gifted, and overly liberal elites would say what all bastards say: Pakistan is an illusion and a conspiracy – leave it!

Is there a knot that will still hold the people of Pakistan?

Well religion is the only tying social knot that holds back the 98% of Pakistan from making revolutions. The other one would have been language, but the birth of Bangladesh is a testimony of how much damn do we give to language.

Do the ruling, powerful and economic elite leave space for a revolution?

It appears that the rulers of Pakistan, both in the form of democracies and dictatorships, come from the same carnivorous family. Unless their motives remain the same (securing their generations and their generations’ generations) they will keep stepping in the ring and torment the sheep called Pakistanis, all for their heavenly desires!

 

Drone Attacks in Pakistan

In 2005, Afghan-Taliban militancy affected much of the north western region of Pakistan. The US army had now realized that their manned military flights were of little efficacy in the mountain clad region spanning Afghanistan and Pakistan. For the first, the post soviet Talibans are born mountaineers as well as born militants. Secondly, the NATO forces had already suffered great losses since the 2001-02 Afghan invasions. There was a dire need of small, unmanned aerial vehicles that would save coalition forces much time, money, and soldiers. The WWII invention was just the thing that was needed! USA thought skiing up their drone market. After all, UN was one of America’s celebrated war machinery consumers.

 As of October 2012, over 2300 militants are reported to have been killed by drone strikes in Pakistan. The CIA claims no civilian casualties have been reported. So murderous were these militants that they killed over 3200 coalition angels. Unbelievably, militants could be of any age, CIA believes, even children and infants.

War is cruel. Bullets, missiles and drones cannot differentiate militants from civilians. Even if they could, war motives are strong enough to hide humanistic thoughts inside a battlefield soldier. On 9/11, the Taliban-hijacked planes didn’t see this either!

So who suffers and who benefits from the drone attacks; innocent civilians of Pakistan or US created Talibans? In either case, United States is in a win-win situation. As long as the war continues, drones and missiles will keep pouring in dollars for America. Already, US drone production represents 60% of the market share, followed by Israel.

If the fears of the combat extend from tribal areas through the greater Pakistan region, it would be even more fun. US will establish its hegemony to formally take the charge of our savior! On the other side, if the war ends (and so does the drone strikes), US will look for its war business elsewhere.

The government of Pakistan officially condemns drone strikes from time to time, but since Pakistan is a strong war on terror ally, it cannot withdraw from its position firmly. Also, severe $$$ indebtedness, coupled with ‘with us, or against us’ policies leave little room for firm positions. Pakistan seems to be defending its nation double crossing US and its extremist factions; and this has thrown us into a vicious circle of violence begetting violence.

Pakistan, acting on US policy measures, has encountered serious losses at every level: locally, regionally and internationally. The War on Terror in general, and drone attacks in particular, make up perfect recipes for disaster for this part of the world – the world’s sixth biggest state and a nuclear power!

My Thoughts on Malala Yousufzai

On 9^th October 2012, the 15-year-old BBC blogger turned women rights activist Malala Yousufzai was shot by Talibans. Malala escaped death amidst serious bullet injuries in her neck and shoulders.

What made Malala so popular was a diary that said the torments of Taliban against education in Swat, particularly female education. In some manners, the diary builds on a theme similar to that of Diary of a Young Girl: Anne Frank.

Both diaries speak of an oppressor’s torment. In case of Malala, it speaks how brutally schools in Swat have been blown by Talibans; how the women of the region were forced to wear veil; how military has been going on with their operations against the terrorists, and so on.

In the latter case, Anne Frank spoke about how anti-Semitism had forced so many Jews (including her family) live a tortuous life, how Nazis introduced laws that restricted yellow badge holders (Jews) in every sphere of life.

Malala’s diary appeared in the form of blog posts on BBC. The tender aged blogger first voiced her sufferings under the pseudonym Gul Makai. With growing popularity, however, human rights organizations took Malala’s cause as their own – sponsoring many events and seminars showcasing Malala’s enthusiasm, support and intentions for education in Swat. Malala’s name came on the surface so much so that she was nominated for the noble peace prize award.

While the western media kept promoting the young girl’s noble cause, Pakistani media kept silent because the Malala word wasn’t sellable. After all, accounts of poverty, misery, dirty politics, load shedding, target killing, corruption and many other vices in Pakistan leave little room for a voice that speaks of a ray of hope in these turbulent times.

It was only until Taliban actually materialized their death threats on the poor girl that our media booked so many sponsors to bring forth her cause. Military helicopters took her off from the crime scene, the government offered security for the rest of the family members, various education funds got Malala’s name, and a nationwide consensus developed on the issue of exterminating Taliban from North Waziristan. Good; but why now?

Sadly, Taliban is the product of America-Pakistan military romance of the Soviet war times. Hardcore army commanders of Pakistan military coupled with regular Islamic fundamentalists were trained for the war by the then US army men on the pretext of Jihad against the ‘infidel’ Russia.  The United States was not so much of an infidel entity then. It just wanted Russia to withdraw from Afghanistan, spread education there, and go away, all with its very Talibans! Afghanistan remained the symbol of ‘peace’ for so many years; but the Pak-US created Talibans got crazy. Dang!

To Gul Makai, Talibans were the only evils on Earth. She could witness Taliban banning schools, but she could not see the drone attacks that killed over 160 children of her age. She would prefer US or China to take over her land for the sake of peace. I  don’t mean she deliberately skipped all anti-US parts in her diary. It’s just that the little socialist peacemaker inside her focused on symptoms rather than the causes of the unprotected Pak-US military romance.

Fair Representation in Assemblies and Local Bodies Elections

Needless to say that in Pakistan the present electoral system does not offer a fair representation for the parliament and local bodies’ elections. A cautious estimate indicates that not more than 30% of the available votes are cast hence almost 70% remain unrepresented. Even out of these 30% counted votes, notwithstanding the rigging before, during or after the polls about 20% are divided between various candidates in such a way that no one gets majority/ plurality votes hence wasted. and  only 10% of the registered voters get their representatives elected and that only goes mostly to the elite class, may they be sufficiently educated and honest enough or not. This is the main reason why the aristocrats grab the lion’s share, the “winner take away all.” from the plurality/majority system available at their disposal which resembles gambling because in this game the winner takes away the entire money of all the stake holders.

Pakistan is the most unfortunate countries in the sense that since its inception it remained without a stable constitution (or with a constitution serving vested interest of the parliament members). The military rulers ruled over this country about 2/3^rd period of its history who very brutally twisted the constitution to suit their selfish motives. The remaining period of 1/3^rd became captive of the civil dictators who never hesitated to sacrifice the sanctity and the sovereignty of the Republic for their malignant motives and in order to satisfy their desire and perpetuate their power for ever. It is worthwhile to note that before passing the 1973 Constitution the then Opposition under the guidelines of United Democratic Front (UDF) raised demand of  Proportional Representation System of voting before the then P.M.  Z.A. Bhutto who did not accept it because he could not see any personal interest in it ; he became the unopposed ruler of the country by means of his nefarious designs and suppressed the demand of Proportionate representation, it was not needed by him or his companions . He could not have become the ruler unless the country was separated into 2 independent entities and at last the Indo-Pak war ended in great loss to the people and disintegration of this sacred land of the Country.  His struggle continued until he gave recognition to the Bangladesh the illegitimate product of Bhutto and Mujeeb. Due to the plurality/majority system of voting and record rigging in the 1977 Elections he gained absolute majority in the National Assembly. The Provincial Assembly election remained suspended due to the protest of the Opposition and countrywide processions took place after which taking the advantage of the political vacuum, Gen. Zia-ul-Haq arrested Mr. Bhutto and declared Martial Law.  Unfortunately he remained in power by hook or by crook for about 11 years until his assassination. This is the usual way of the Military Rulers.

In the present scenario, when the country is under the grip of worst rulers having even worst governance and most corrupt executives of the Government under the rule of a person who is known only for his specific quality, corruption, resulting in all sort of turmoil and the clear danger of disintegration of the country, it is high time for us to think about reforms which are needed on emergency basis. Some of the points worth considering are highlighted below.

• Party system of election may be introduced in the country for which political parties should be filtered in the following way.

a)      Proper amendments should be made in the Political Parties Act, especially registration of the party, the minimum age and qualification of every member which should be certified by the Election Commission.

b)      Secondly proper election should be made in every registered political party under the supervision of the Election Commission.

c)       The party members should offer all their property and assets and of their spouse and dependents for inspection and audit to verify its legality and authenticity.

• The election commission should be nominated by the Apex Court of the              Country because appointment of the Election Commission by the Parliament itself or any of its representatives for its own election bears no moral ground.

• In our Constitution it is expressly mentioned that no law shall be made against Quran and Sunnah but practically we see that hundreds of laws are against it and nobody bothers to care for this violation. In order to meet this objective it is imperative that an oath must be taken from every parliamentarian that without bothering for dire consequences they will strive utmost to make every law to coincide with the tenets and injunctions of Quran and Sunnah. And above all since they are the law makers they must have sufficient, at least basic, knowledge of the Holy Book and Shariah.

• Taking of liquor must be a punishable offence for all parliamentarians, the armed forces and the government officials because it is ‘mother of evils’ and a person taking liquor or wine cannot be entrusted with any serious work of mass interest.

• Interpretation of the provisions of the Constitution is the authority of the Apex Court so in order to avoid ultra constitution amendments it should first be offered to the judiciary to authenticate it before being presented for vote of Parliament. Recently we have seen that 18^th amendment of the Constitution has been challenged in the Supreme Court.

• The persons who have already ruled over the country must be made unqualified for contesting any fresh election so that probability and causes of malpractice might be eliminated. Obviously those who have ruled over this country have a very nasty track record and can hardly be entrusted with any position of responsibility.

• Proportional Representation system (or in short P R System) should be made legal and compulsory. It is worth noting that there is a variety of P R System adopted by over 70 countries of the world out of which only ‘Open Party List’ system is suitable for our country. Proponents of this system also suggest adopting the formula of ‘largest remainder’ which results in equitable allocation of the remaining seats and only negligible number of votes remains wasted.

 

• Last but not the least it should be proved by facts and figures that the results of the  plurality/majority system of voting has indirectly resulted in mass destruction of the society and the  country as a whole.

 

Man? Middle-Class? Marriage? Wait till you’re 30!

Being a middle-class, limited resource man means you ought to marry late (at least after 30) for some very obvious reasons. Gone are the days when you would see a happy family – with a woman in her early 20s carrying an infant in her arms seated along her husband riding the motor cycle. ‘’ With a complete round of doses of extravagance depicted through the T.V. Soaps, every woman has gradually understood to live her life no lesser than Queen Elizabeth.  At the same time, men have learnt that they must hunt for a partner who is independent, supportive, highly intelligent and educated, and to top it all, look very similar to Angelina Julie, or Katreena.

 

The increasing globalization, the depleting resources, the horrible Malthus’s theory of population explosion and its consequences, the soon approaching end of the time as per Mayan’s calendar,  and the MOPW campaigns have all convinced us it is seriously uneconomical, dangerous, and fruitless to continue the traditions of marriage and family making. Even if some of us do not find these negative potentialities of family making, the thought the we would not be able to feed our grandsons (and their grandsons) is strong enough, at least, to delay marrying until things turn favorable.

 

The economic hardships and unreasonable expectations are not the only causes of a delayed marriage. Education also plays a vital role in building up a mass of hapless, spouse(less), medium-income adults. For aligning our HR standards with international benchmarks, employers are seeking bachelors who have at least completed 16 years of education. This naturally makes it impossible for students to graduate before they age 23. And since most students of the middle-income families opt for a master’s degree as well, fresh post graduates are 25 before they start off their careers. 4 years are too little to get a position (and a salary) you could rely upon for a sustainable and decent living. So there you go at 30 – ready to hunt for your dream partner. But remember you are looking for Angelina, and this is no easy job!

Purpose of Existence

Do you know the purpose of existence?

Of the 72 year old who spent 35 soldier years in his country’s defence

Who, as a lieutenant, served his dearly mother country;

Dealing with challenges to save his Indian territory;

The man now has no one to depend on;

For an accident has deprived him of his wife and son

Having been retired from his work recently

He wishes to spend his end-of-life decently

He loves to experience the chilly morning walk

He loves the company of Yoga class friends and their talk

He visits a temple to read his prayer and love his god

He helps those read who he keeps dear a lot

As he returns to home after his morning affairs He devours the food he prepares

A paralyzed old aged neighbor also takes a share

From the retired man’s food and his sense of care

Hours they spent talking and sharing stories

For old agers relish their past and their past glories

When done with the lunch he heads for a cause

Into a non-profit organization that works without a boss

He helps the poor kids in their work and studies

For he understands and feels their poverty and miseries

He hands in gifts and chocolates to them on occasions

He helps them in their projects and helps them learn their lessons

Lessons which would reflect learning from his army life

Lessons which would help reduce their degree of strife

Some of these inculcate a spirit of patriotic devotion

Some of these reduce their unwanted emotion

When at times he misses his deceased son

He looks at those children with whom he has gotten no blood relation

He feels their unconditional love and calms his heart

And feels so cared for though his real son is apart

When in the evening he goes to an aged care centre

He visits his friend and read a newspaper together

And often engages in wood crafting with the other elderly

He builds his art in many shapes and forms

The favourite of which are towers, planes, boats and dorms

He assists arranging the wood craft fair at the centre

Where old age people would explore each other’s artistic wonder

This fair exhibits the height of his old friends’ celebrations

A prize for the best art-work gives reason for jubilations

He does not sleep for the sake of sleep

He does not accept that his future is in the soil’s deep

He finds his happiness in the service of others

He would die one day, but he never bothers

He deceives this reality with the happiness’s resistance

And this is what he says is the ‘Purpose of Existence’